im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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