Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
