not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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