I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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