I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
