now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im part way to drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
