I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
