I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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