If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
