You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
