Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
