I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize