ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you never un-have a 4some
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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