I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
