I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
either way he was missing a nipple.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
