we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
