Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
