Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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