Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize