the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
