I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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