You're earring is so big in my mouth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
