Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
