If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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