i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
