How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
