so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
