New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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