Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize