i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
