I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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