you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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