I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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