Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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