after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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