Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
