So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
