I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
