You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
