I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
