bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
