I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
