i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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