did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
