I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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