I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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