Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
