Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
