I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
