We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
