So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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