My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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