Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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