I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
