Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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