i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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