no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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