I wanna passion pit in your ass
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
