I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
