it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
