Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
