Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
