What a fucking waste of an outfit
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
