just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
