It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
