i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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