did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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