Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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