I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.