sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb