I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool