Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.