New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
