He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He? As in you personified your dick?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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