I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
