i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
