adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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