I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
