Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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