I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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