She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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