I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
