What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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