Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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