he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
