How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
