Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
