I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
