haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
